Me As Editor and Publisher

I never imagined that I'd edit or publish a book. But circumstances have rendered me both an editor and a publisher.

Last autumn as I was driving my son back to his university dorm after he spent a weekend at our home, he told me all about a novel he wanted to write. His story line, which had been formulating in his head for some three years, sounded quite innovative. He seemed to have a strong grasp of plot development and details.

Before long my son had produced the first chapter. He eventually wrote an outline for the book. But real life often gets in the way of pet projects, so months went by with little progress.

My son had hoped to leave on his mission late last spring. Alas, that was not to be. Although he started on his missionary application during the holidays and had it ready to submit by mid-January, a number of roadblocks popped up.

My son's ward was split and it took several weeks before his new bishop could access the application system and schedule an interview. Then the church missionary department had additional questions about my son's knee surgery. Eventually he had to meet with one of the church's specialists to resolve concerns. When my son's mission call finally arrived in early April we were surprised to see that his mission wouldn't begin for another 4½ months.

My son came home at the end of spring semester. But given the unexpected extra time he had, he pursued a full load of online courses during summer semester. He also got serious about writing his novel. He shared each newly completed chapter with certain family members and close friends. Many responded to his invitation for input. These suggestions helped refine the work.

As the time for my son's mission approached I wondered how he would complete his book. But he managed to pull it off with a few days to spare. I am certainly biased, but I believe that my son is a pretty good author. He has a captivating style of writing. The book is filled with innovative adventures.

Then with less than 48 hours before my son was to leave on his mission, he decided that he wanted to publish his book. I did a little research and realized that this was not really possible, given everything else that needed to happen in that short time period. I promised my son that his mother and I would do what it took to get the book e-published.

It turns out that self publishing is easier than ever. But there are so many options available that it's hard for a novice to know which course to pursue. CNET writer David Carnoy maintains a very good regularly updated article about self publishing. The upshot is that, while self publishing is not terribly difficult, actually selling books is more challenging than most authors imagine.

There are several reasons for this. One is that while almost all authors find fulfillment in writing, few of them enjoy or even know the first thing about marketing. To top it off, it is almost impossible to successfully market self published fiction books because supply outstrips demand.

My son has done a good job of formatting his book for e-publishing. But he left us the tasks of editing, getting cover art, and publishing the book. Without him to consult on changes, I am limiting my editing to obvious spelling errors—words that have passed spell check but that are still wrong—and egregious grammar mistakes (of which there are very few). I don't want to do anything that changes the author's style. We're going to have to find someone to develop cover art.

I don't foresee us doing much marketing once the book is published. I think the main goal is to make the book available to family and friends, at least for now. Besides, the book is the first of a two-book series. My son has uncharitably left his readers hanging with the book's tantalizing conclusion. He knows what he wants to write in the second book, but how long will it take him to write it once he returns from his mission two years from now? We will just have to wait.

Sending Off Our First Missionary

The atmosphere in the car was subdued as we drove toward the MTC in Provo. We all knew that a couple of hours later we'd exchange an embrace with our son/brother, and then we wouldn't see him for two years.

I thought back to a similar trip that had occurred many years earlier. I recalled being quite anxious as my parents drove toward Provo. But I also recalled that it didn't take long for me to settle into the work and develop new friendships. I tried to lighten the mood of the family members by recounting some funny experiences from my mission.

There was the time that Elder G. decided to return to his room at the MTC solo. (Missionaries are supposed to stay with their companions.) He thought it was odd that the entire floor seemed vacant when it was usually busy following lunch. He sat in the room wondering why the rest of us didn't return. Elder G. wasn't there when we got to our rooms. About 20 minutes later he showed up, explaining that he had sat in the silent room of the adjacent dorm (all of the dorms are nearly exact replicas) for a long time until he realized that it wasn't his room.

It was not uncommon for the missionaries on my MTC dorm floor to sing religious songs while showering in the communal showers each morning. But on one occasion we somehow started singing theme songs from various cartoons with which we had all grown up. We were in the middle of a rousing chorus of the Flintstones when a fully clothed elder walked in and issued a deeply self righteous scathing rebuke for our frivolity.

We stood silently in our showers as the angry young man stomped out of the bathroom. One of our group contritely said, "I'm not sure what to say." Elder M., a calm, level headed guy said, "I do." And then he belted out at the top of his lungs, "Flintstones, meet the Flintstones!" We all joined in and had a good laugh.

There was the time that my mission president downed an entire glass of beer at a restaurant, thinking that the waitress had brought him Vørterøl, a Norwegian soft drink promoted as a health beverage. (Mormons are supposed to abstain from drinking alcohol.) We thought that was pretty funny.

Our family members were somewhat less anxious as we drove into Provo. My son wanted to eat lunch at a particular Mexican fast food place of which he is fond. Using my phone he found an outlet near our route. The place looked kind of seedy from the outside. It looked even seedier on the inside. The bright orange paint on the walls couldn't make up for the devastated ceiling tiles, worn floor, aged furniture, and equipment that had seen better days. But my son enjoyed his lunch.

As we were dining, another family that was obviously on their way to the MTC came in. My son introduced himself to the missionary in the family and they discovered that they were heading to the same mission. That's kind of surprising, given the number of new missionaries that arrive at the MTC each week. "I guess I'll see you in a few minutes," my son called out as we left.

I haven't driven around Provo much in recent years. I was stunned by how heavy the traffic was. Having had the MTC drop-off protocol explained to us, we first drove to a lot across the street from the entrance. We got out and took a few pictures. None of them turned out very good. But it gave us an opportunity to say our goodbyes.

We then got back in the car and drove through the MTC entrance. We were guided to a spot in the drop-off zone. We quickly jumped out and retrieved my son's luggage from the car trunk as an escorting missionary greeted my son.

Our newly minted missionary exchanged a special embrace with our son that just recently received his mission call and will enter the MTC in a few weeks, shortly before his brother departs the MTC for his field of labor. My son, who outweighs me by about 30 lbs, picked me up from the ground and hugged me so firmly that my back cracked. It felt good—in more ways than one.

And then we were on our way back to the freeway as our son and his missionary escort walked away hauling the luggage and talking enthusiastically. Two years will pass before we see him in person again.

I expected to feel somewhat melancholy as we drove homeward. But instead I felt a warm glow inside—a sensation that told me that everything was alright and that all would be well. Instead of feeling sad because of my son's departure, I felt very happy for him. But I have to admit that I do look forward to the first email we will get from him.

Making it simple to enjoy your missionary's farewell or homecoming

Many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints look forward to the day when their son or daughter will serve as a missionary. Then they anxiously await the day 18 or 24 months later when their precious child will return. Near these bookend events the missionary usually speaks in a Sacrament meeting.

The missionary's family often invites guests to their home following the meeting to celebrate the departure or return. These gatherings can be burdensome for the family. When hosting such a function there are some things you can do to lighten the load and make your get-together more enjoyable.

Simplify the menu
The number one rule is to keep it simple.

Some serve a broad variety of foods to try to satisfy everyone that might attend. They worry that they might be considered ungracious if they offer too few choices. Remember that simply offering refreshments to guests shows hospitality. Overly picky guests are themselves ungracious and can choose to go hungry. Most will survive just fine. After all, we are constantly reminded that most Americans carry plenty of reserve weight.

Offering a broad assortment of foods also encourages guests to linger longer and to overeat. It's nice to have guests visit. But it's also nice for them to go home before they've outworn their welcome. It would be even nicer if they could depart without taking indigestion along for the trip.

Another reason for expanding food selection is to "keep up with the Joneses." It's tempting to feel obligated to do at least what others have done at similar gatherings. This leads to a culinary arms race that can't be good for the church. Do not feel in any way inferior to Sister So-and-so if you choose to be simple on the Sabbath rather than turning your home into the local Glutton Town Buffet franchise.

Following are some ideas for serving simple but sufficient refreshments for your missionary's homecoming or farewell.

Go for less mess
Serve only foods that are easy for guests to manage and that are easy to clean up. Let's face it; there will be spills, crumbs, smears, etc. You can limit these by making food easy for diners to handle and by reducing overt liquid content. The more fluid your dishes are—think Jell-O salads, soups, sauces, puddings, dips—the more messes you will have to clean up.

Some have found that finger foods and sandwiches work well. But keep diners' food management in mind. Corn on the cob sounds fun, but it's messy for diners to handle. Everyone loves ice cream treats, but they melt easily and tend to be an abundant source of sticky drips.

Serve only ice water to drink. Your guests won't die without punch, juice, or soda. Use disposable plates, cups, flatwear, etc. These produce trash, so keep trash containers readily accessible. In fact, set them out before going to church. A family member that needs to be useful can be assigned to make sure that these containers don't get too full during the gathering.

Satisfy the masses, not the individual
Serve only foods that are likely to be enjoyed by at least half of your guests. You are setting up a limited buffet, not a specialty diner. If only a few of your guests will touch a given food, it's probably too specialized.

Resist the urge to cook
Refrain from cooking or even warming up any food on the day of the event. The only exception to this might be something that could be warming in a crock pot while you are at church—think pork and beans or cocktail weenies. But only serve something like this if most guests will eat it.

Go cheap
This might sound uncharitable, but maximize foods that are rich in dense carbohydrates and fats while minimizing foods that are high in protein. Restaurateurs have long known this trick. Meats and cheeses are expensive. Breads, pastas, chips, cookies, cakes, and the like are cheap by comparison. People like them too. You can make it look like you splurged by serving real butter for the bread. While you need to make sure that you have enough of the pricier dishes you serve, you can reduce expenses by offering fewer varieties of these.

If you're concerned about the healthiness of this approach, consider the advice of one dietary expert who says that there are no truly unhealthy foods; only unhealthy diets. After all, this is only one meal, and it's supposed to be a party.

Proper planning and preparation prevents problems
Prepare everything in advance. Before going to church put out everything needed for the gathering except for the foods that must be kept cold until being served. That way you can come home, quickly put out the cold foods, and immediately begin eating.

It would be nice if every guest could dine while seated at a table. But this depends on how much room you have and how many tables and chairs you can get. You may end up with most diners just sitting on the furniture with plates in their laps. Also, consider the fact that the more comfortable guests are, the longer they will linger and the more they will eat. Remember that you're being a conscientious host, not driving guests away.

Keep it moving
Keep the serving line moving. You will need to use the limited space in your home as best you can unless conditions allow you to serve the buffet outside. Set up the serving line long before going to church. Try to foresee and mitigate bottlenecks. You might need to portion out some dishes and spread them out to allow better access.

Put the plates at the start of the line. The drinks, napkins, and utensils go at the end so that people don't have to juggle these while serving themselves. Between starting and ending points, place the main dish items, followed by side dishes, and finally the desserts. The fewer varieties of food you offer, the faster the line will move. Waiting to set out desserts until most guests have been through the line also significantly speeds up the process, but it means that you have to watch and work while people are eating.

Taking tips from the fast food industry can also be helpful. When serving foods that allow diners to add sauces or spreads, the line will move more efficiently if these condiments are located away from the serving table and closer to where the guests dine; maybe even on their tables.

Too much beats too little
Don't run out of food. It's difficult to know how many people will show up and how much food they will eat. Even consulting with friends and neighbors may not help, due to the uniqueness of your family dynamics and your child's popularity. Also, competing events of the day differ from occasion to occasion. Use your best guess. But remember that it's better to have leftovers than to turn guests away unsatisfied.

And finally, RELAX!
It would be nice to relax in Sacrament meeting and enjoy your child's talk. But the reality is that you may be too frazzled for that kind of calmness. Still, your day will be easier and Sacrament meeting will be more enjoyable if you keep the food and preparations for your gathering simple. (See D&C 59:12-13) Just keep thinking to yourself, "This too shall pass." And no matter how it turns out, try to enjoy interacting with your guests. These relationships are more important than any of the food you will serve.

Food for Missionary Farewell Gatherings

This past weekend our son spoke in Sacrament meeting prior to beginning two years of service as a missionary for our church. Per the accepted cultural pattern in our area, we hosted a gathering at our home following the meeting.

Years ago when I left on my mission it was common in these parts for the families of departing missionaries to host something more akin to an open house or a reception. Ward members dropping by with well wishes were offered refreshments. This was repeated upon the missionary's return. These gatherings could be fun, but they resulted in unnecessary expense and social pressure. Gatherings are still held in my area, but they are mostly limited to family and close friends.

Still, our son is a very popular guy. Since he is one of the younger members of his class, many of his friends and acquaintances are already serving missions. We had some idea of how many family members would show up to our event, but we had absolutely no idea how many friends (especially voracious 19- and 20-year-old young men) would put in an appearance. So planning was difficult.

One of the primary rules of hosting a gathering where food is served is to avoid running out. Having enough is more important than having a variety. While families may feel like they are in a culinary arms race to offer wider varieties of fancier foods, simplicity is your friend. We choose to narrow our focus and to have plenty of the items we were going to serve.

We decided to go with sandwiches, chips, salads, cookies, and water. We bought loaves of high quality (sliced) bread from a local bakery. These loaves were only slightly more expensive than rolls, but they were more compact. This allowed us to buy them early and then store them in the freezer until the day before the party. We sliced each loaf so that the square-ish pieces of bread ended up as triangles. As I predicted, this reduced the amount of bread used. The dense texture of the bread probably worked to our advantage as well.

We bought 10 lbs of sliced roast beef and 10 lbs of sliced roast turkey breast. Per my observation, the beef was preferred by guests more than two-to-one over the turkey. Next time we will try to balance that better. We put the condiments on the dining tables so that people didn't gum up the serving line preparing their sandwiches. We served American and Provolone cheese. We also put out peanut butter and jelly. I was surprised at how many guests opted for PBJ sandwiches.

Putting the water cooler, cups, napkins, and flatwear on a different table also sped up the serving line. Speaking of water, it's a lot cheaper than sweetened and/or flavored drinks. It's also colorless and not sticky. No one complained. We put a 5-lb block of ice in the water cooler on Saturday evening and filled the container with water on Sunday morning.

Our town has a commercial cookie bakery outlet store where we picked up a number of frosted and sprinkled sugar cookies for cheap. My wife baked three batches of brownies in advance and froze them. She likes baking brownies using a mix because it is such a simple process. We also baked up a load of chocolate chip cookies using store-bought dough. How can you go wrong with chocolate chip and sugar cookies, along with brownies?

We bought four large bags of plain potato chips and four large bags of Doritos. We had three bags of each left over. Family members that wanted to help were asked to bring various salads and relish trays. We cut up a watermelon and a cantaloupe as well. For dessert we had frozen Otter Pops in a cooler.

There are lots of other possibilities that we considered when it came to serving food. But we had read an article that suggested that the more varieties of foods you offer, the slower your serving line will move. It also suggested refraining from cooking anything on the day of the event. After all, you're offering simple refreshments to guests, not setting up a buffet restaurant. I figured that any guest that couldn't find enough to eat among our offerings was just too darn picky. And at any rate, most of us Americans carry enough excess weight that missing a meal wouldn't hurt us.

We prepared everything we could in advance. We staged most things on Saturday evening so that food could be quickly set out after our church meetings on Sunday.

We were also gambling with the weather. Since it is summer, we planned to hold the gathering outside. This would minimize impact on the inside of the home. No one cares much when a drink gets spilled on the lawn as opposed to the carpet. Hosting the event outside also meant that we didn't have to worry as much about perfecting the cleaning and presentation of our home.

We own three banquet tables. We borrowed three others. We have about a dozen folding chairs and a handful of lawn chairs. We borrowed another dozen chairs and used our dining table chairs. After my morning meetings on Sunday, I came home and set up all of the tables and chairs. I hoped that the wind would die down, that the overcast skies would refrain from dropping rain, and that our setup would not be disturbed while we spent more than three hours away at church.

Our son delivered one of the finest outgoing missionary addresses I have ever heard in a church meeting. OK, so I'm biased.

We rushed home from our church meetings (except for our son who was greeting well wishers after church) to set up our feast. The wind had thankfully died down and the overcast skies took the edge off the heat just enough to make it relatively pleasant. By the time our son arrived, we had about two dozen of his friends along with a number of our extended family members. We blessed the food and then let people dig in. I spent much of the time taking video and photos.

Guests eventually started to say their goodbyes. An hour after we started, about half the guests had finished and left. Another half hour later, all but my son's buddies (his girlfriend called them his "bros") were all that were left of our guests. We hauled food into the house, put chairs and tables away, and returned borrowed items. The sun came out, driving our son and his buddies into the house. The friends all went home after a while and we finally relaxed.

Some of the lessons we learned from our missionary farewell party include the following:

• We had nearly twice the amount of every kind of food as was actually used; more than twice enough of turkey, chips, and cheese. It's better to have more than enough than not enough. But if you're going to have a lot extra of something, it's better if it's something that can be easily stored.
• Sandwiches are a good option for this type of gathering. But we could get more beef and less turkey, as well as less cheese. Setting out peanut butter and jelly was a good idea.
• It's not a good idea to freeze thinly sliced meat in large blocks. I think this would be more successful if the meats were split out into 1-lb or even ½-lb bags. Or else buy the meat the day before the event and refrigerate it instead of freezing it.
• Moving condiments and items that slow the serving line off to another location worked well.
• Although we didn't have an extremely broad selection, the selection we offered was just fine. Limiting selection and not cooking on the day of the gathering constituted a good plan.
• It's nice to hold the event outdoors if conditions permit.
• Guests like to dine at tables. We had 50 chairs, but table seating for only half that many. It would have been nice to have more tables.
• Serving only ice water to drink worked well.
• Otter Pops were a decent outdoor summer treat. Maybe not so good for indoors or for colder weather.

We will get an opportunity to improve on our missionary farewell party skills in just a few weeks when we celebrate another of our sons embarking on his mission. Maybe we'll have decent weather then too. If not, we may gather in the garage. Then we'll get to reprise both of these gatherings when our boys return in two years. Down the road we hope to have similar departure and return parties for their younger brothers.

Of course, these parties are merely social formalities. They are nowhere near as important as the work these young men are undertaking. Still, if we're going to hold gatherings like this anyway, it makes sense to try to make them as good as we can. Please feel free to post your suggestions for good missionary farewell/homecoming gatherings in the comments.

It's a Miracle

Miracles happen. I have experienced them. But sometimes they take time and require work.

I recently stood in what I consider to be one of the most sacred places on earth. Like others there, I was clothed in white. I stood inside the entrance and waited for probably 90 seconds, although; it seemed like much longer.

Finally I could see him coming. My son approached the large entrance looking at the glorious room beyond. An inner glow seemed to make his face as radiant as the white clothing he wore. When he saw me he rushed forward through the doorway and gripped me in a full body embrace.

One by one the family members in attendance filtered into the room, each clad in white. Tears were soon slipping freely from my son's eyes, to the point that drops were falling from his chin. My sister-in-law kindly offered a Kleenex.

This day had been long in coming. I long doubted it would come. As a young child my son seemed to carry the light of heaven with him. He had an innate strong faith and frequently had spiritual experiences. His early school years brought a variety of challenges, including serious moodiness, regularly being bullied, and a third grade teacher that often publicly harassed and verbally abused this tender boy (a fact we discovered late in the year).

Even through those dark times the inner light still shown. Something changed during my son's teens. He never fit in well with the youth in our neighborhood or congregation. He felt that those that should have been his strongest supporters treated him noxiously. It hurt him when his contemporaries in the congregation would treat him badly outside of church.

Eventually my son sought acceptance in other circles where he could feel comfortable. Unfortunately, this ease meant that seldom did anyone in these groups encourage companions to aspire to their better selves, as would a true friend. My son's previously bright countenance became darkened as he increasingly pulled away from spirituality and higher moral values.

That's not to say that all was bad during those years. We (especially my wife) still had a fairly good relationship with our son. He still helped out at home. He had gainful employment until he developed a mystifying chronic illness that made college and work difficult.

Eventually my son started to feel his way back to the goodness he had known in his youth. It was pretty awkward at first. For quite a while it was as if he was trying to walk with one foot in the light and one in the dark. A breakthrough occurred when relapsing into behavior that he had promised to forsake caused him to realize that he wanted something better.

We began weekly father-son meetings that over the months went from uncomfortable to deeply sweet and precious. These were aided by regular meetings with ecclesiastical figures. Little by little the light that I had seen in my young son's face began to illuminate his soul again, but on a much deeper level. Over time he came to know for himself the power of the Savior's Atonement.

A relatively minor surgery miraculously improved my son's chronic illness, allowing him to consider service that had previously been foreclosed to him. In preparation for this service we recently found ourselves in what for us is a holy place, clothed in white, embracing, and experiencing great joy.

The change my son has experienced has been nothing short of miraculous. He is a new person— much more the person he could and should be. He is much happier. And because of that I am happier.

Miracles do happen. Sometimes they take time and effort. But when that is the case, they are well worth whatever is required.

Toward Social Disconnect

"There were only three TV channels when I was a kid, so everybody watched the same stuff and knew who all of the entertainment personalities were," I often find myself telling my kids in defense of the fact that I am so utterly oblivious about current entertainment matters. Every other kid I knew in those long ago days watched the Beverly Hillbillies, Gilligan's Island, Green Acres, Star Trek, Mission Impossible, etc. We'd occasionally catch a bit of the Twilight Zone when our parents weren't around.

I can remember watching TV on a somewhat regular basis when my older kids were quite young. I then spent four years earning a bachelor and a master degree while also working full time and raising a family. Watching TV went by the wayside during those busy years. I have simply never found time to devote to that pastime since then.

If I ever do sit down in the family room when the TV is on, it's only a short time later that I am walking out of the room, having thought of something else to do. I can't imagine paying for cable or satellite TV. When we visit someplace that offers such, I quickly surmise that it's simply more channels of 'nothing to watch' than used to exist.

Entertainment has expanded and diversified significantly since my childhood. People can more easily find offerings with more direct personal appeal than at any time in history. Moreover, we are moving to more 'pull' than 'push' forms of entertainment, where people choose what they will do when they want to do it instead of being stuck with only being able to watch a show when it is broadcast, for example.

While this specialization is a boon, it has diminished the shared paradigm—the common cultural reference that existed in my childhood, when everyone knew details about the Stephens family in Bewitched. I frequently find myself unable to participate in discussions about TV shows at work. Not only have I seen none of the shows people discuss, I haven't even heard of most of them. When someone mentions in a dreamy tone the name of an actress, I usually have no idea who they're talking about.

When I recently held the door open at a restaurant for a fairly large family group, some of my family members were star struck. Among the group was a famous TV personality. Not only did I fail to recognize this person, I had no idea who the person was once my family members told me the star's name.

These common points of reference, though inane of themselves, can provide a platform for relating to others. Small talk performs an important social function, although, the actual words used may matter little. It helps engender civility and can lead to more useful communication. Small talk is easier when the parties have some kind of common ground.

Sports, movies, TV shows, Internet memes, music, work, school, products, video games, etc, can provide somewhat non-threatening connection points. For those familiar with communications protocol, small talk about something the parties commonly understand is like the outer interface layer, where a connection must occur before moving to progressively deeper layers where vital communication occurs.

While expanding choices allow us to increasingly tailor our lives according to our desires, increasingly diverse lives can render simple human interaction more difficult due to a lack of common reference points. This can lead to a breakdown in community and cooperation.

I know all of this, but I still can't seem to bring myself to watch the TV shows others talk about. Nor am I a sports guy. Although I understand the value of connecting with others via sports, I can't bear to watch a sporting event any more than the average sports fan can endure an opera. I know that this sometimes leaves me feeling disconnected, but I don't foresee me changing my ways.

Forecasting the future is a risky venture fraught with many obvious problems. It would seem to me, however, that the expansion of specialization and diversity that has marked my entire life span will continue on its current trajectory for some time. I wonder what kinds of cultural factors will emerge to help us deal with this phenomenon.

My Dying Uncle

"Is he taking any fluids?" I asked. "Not anymore," Mom replied. "He's mostly unconscious, but when he's somewhat lucid he's seeing people on both sides of the veil."

So this time would be different than the numerous times over the previous few months that Mom has told me that her oldest surviving brother was on his way out. He's been dying of cancer so long that the fact that he still survives in his mid 90s defies current medical understanding.

As I thought of my cousins on death watch, I couldn't help but hear in the back of my mind my Dad's labored breathing on his deathbed four years ago. Mom had been on constant watch at the hospital for a week and a half. I had spent nearly every moment I could spare up there.

When they told us that Dad was close to passing, my two older brothers drove from their more distant homes to be there. One younger brother was traveling back east. Another was traveling homeward and couldn't get to the hospital until the following morning.

The four of us—Mom, my two older brothers, and me—kept the grim watch as the evening wore into the night and then into the wee hours of the morning. It had been more than a day and a half since Dad had moved at all other than to breathe.

It pained me to sit there and watch Dad breathe. His bones rose up through the thinning skin of his emaciated form with each deep labored breath. Except for one brief moment around 2 am, the dreaded pattern of Dad's breathing seemed to go on unchanged, sounding almost like some horrible aspirating machine.

A little before 4 am my brothers sent me home to rest, out of concern for my own health issues. As I walked from the hospital room I was fully aware that I might never see Dad alive again. That thought didn't bother me much because of an experience I had had a couple of days earlier.

During the last few weeks of Dad's life I used up a lot of leave at work while trying to spend as much time as I could helping and being with Mom and Dad. Dad went downhill pretty fast after being admitted to the hospital. He was in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he tried to communicate coherently with us. Other times he was obviously experiencing psychological distress and/or physical discomfort. The hospital staff was very good about trying to help Dad be as comfortable as possible. But finally he was unconscious most of the time.

Per my regular pattern, I returned home late one night after spending the entire evening at the hospital. Early in the morning I got ready for work. But as I backed the car out of the driveway I felt an overwhelming urge to turn toward the hospital rather than turning toward my office. Somehow I just knew that I had to go to the hospital; although, Mom hadn't called and I had just been at the hospital hours earlier.

I chided myself as I drove toward the hospital, knowing that this trip would cost me yet more leave from work—time that would end up shortchanging my wife and kids when it came to family vacation. But I simply couldn't ignore the deep prompting I had felt.

Mom was surprised to see me walk into the hospital room, which was unusually bright because the blinds were open. To my surprise, Dad opened his eyes and recognized me. I pulled a chair up to his bed and he motioned for me to lean in so that we could embrace.

Dad's ability to verbally communicate fully coherent thoughts had been impaired by a stroke a year and a half earlier. But the real verbal communication problem was that Dad's diminishing heart function was supplying diminishing levels of blood and oxygen to his brain.

Still, we talked for a few minutes. Dad was the most lucid I had seen him for days. He made me promise that I would get my Mom into a more suitable home after he passed. We expressed our love for each other. Then Dad lay his head on his pillow and went to sleep. That was the final lucid moment of Dad's life.

I thought about that as I drove home from the hospital after my brothers dismissed me. I was exhausted as I climbed into bed. Part of me felt like I was shirking my duty to be at the hospital. But another part of me was relieved that I didn't have to watch Dad's labored breathing. 45 minutes after I closed my eyes the phone rang. I picked it up to hear my brother report that Dad had passed.

I quickly dressed and returned to the hospital. My youngest brother soon arrived. For nearly an hour we sat around Dad's bed and reminisced. It may sound macabre for family members to sit around the corpse of a loved one. But it was actually a very comforting and even spiritual experience. We stayed until the morticians arrived to discreetly remove Dad's remains.

Before long my cousins will have a similar experience. As with my Dad's passing, I hope that the bitterness of separation will be tempered by the sweetness of the memories of a life well lived and love well shared.

Gratitude Leads to Happiness and Health

We try to hold family prayer each night. We actually have a chart to keep track of whose turn it is to act as voice for our family's prayer. I have recently noticed our young daughter's tendency to briefly thank the Lord for all the blessings he has given us in one blanket statement before moving on to ask for numerous blessings. A few nights ago, I actually interrupted the prayer and asked my daughter to be more specific in thanking the Lord. I sense a family home evening lesson on gratitude coming up.

It didn't surprise me when I saw this article discussing the scientifically measured benefits of gratitude. Researchers designed a method for measuring gratitude among teens. They found that as "gratitude increases, so do life satisfaction, happiness, positive attitudes, hope and even academic performance." Rates of depression and physical illness are reduced, and rates of well-being and accomplishment increase as people are more grateful.

While the study focused on teens, the results very likely transfer to all age groups. One researcher noted that rates of gratitude were not closely tied to economic class or race. Poor teens were just as likely to be grateful as were rich teens. The study seems to suggest that beneficial gratitude is an internal matter: a way of thinking and approaching life.

I have tried to teach my children that expressions of gratitude in prayer should usually exceed requests for blessings. This can be useful in helping them creatively think about what to say during the 'thanking' portion of a prayer. We have one son that used to regularly thank the Lord for modern toilets and other sanitary systems on a regular basis. I am not opposed to expressing gratitude for this. But our son would frequently get detailed enough that the matter seemed less than reverent to the rest of us.

Simply attempting to enumerate expressions of gratitude in prayer can also lead children to spout rote and meaningless words simply to get to what they might see as more important requests for divine intervention. On the other hand, one blanket statement thanking the Lord may be appropriate if our hearts are actually filled with  gratitude.

While our internal gratitude is more important than the words we say when thanking, I have sometimes found myself moved to greater gratitude by the words I say. While it may seem best for emotion to cause corresponding motion, sometimes getting in motion generates emotion.

Yesterday morning I was blessed to attend a worship service at an outdoor chapel overlooking Lake of the Woods in a remote area of Wyoming. It was easy to feel gratitude in that grand cathedral constructed by the hand of God and decorated far more beautifully than the finest man made chapel. I thought back to the first time I visited that place as a 12-year-old scout, and I felt gratitude for my scoutmaster Bob Porter.

Although I wasn't the youngest boy in the troop, I was the slowest when it came to hiking. Bob was right behind me as I slowly trudged my way to Beula Lake far behind the rest of the troop. Ditto for the return hike. As I reflected on this experience, I started to think about some of the people that had unselfishly served me throughout my life—far more than can be counted—and my heart swelled with gratitude.

One of the men present at the worship service got up and talked about coming to Camp Loll as a young scout. He then pointed at me and said that I had been one of the staff members that summer. He talked about some of the ways I had served him. I hadn't realized what an impact just doing my duty had had on him. It gave me joy to think that something I had done had blessed someone else. And this lifted me to a new level of gratitude.

I think that gratitude can be like that: part of an upward spiraling cycle of gratitude and joy. That's what I want my children to experience when they pray. It would seem that doing so carries side benefits of better mental and physical health. But the heavenly delight that comes from true gratitude seems more significant. I doubt there's any other way to get that kind of joy.

The Value of the Eagle Scout Rank

My family's strong scouting tradition is only two generations deep. My Dad grew up in Germany where scouting had been officially supplanted by the Hitler Youth. As far as I am aware, none of my Mom's brothers were involved in scouting in their youth. But my parents strongly supported our scouting activities and encouraged our advancement in the program.

My oldest brother set a great example for his four younger brothers, each of whom followed him to earn the rank of Eagle Scout. How could we not? By the time my baby brother came along he had a lot of pressure on him to earn the rank. Three of my four sons are Eagle Scouts and #4 is well on his way to reaching that goal. Most of their male cousins have earned the rank as well.

Writer Michael S. Malone discusses the value of the Eagle Scout rank in this Wall Street Journal article, which was published yesterday, the centennial of the date that the first Eagle Scout rank was achieved by Arthur Eldred, a 17-year-old scout from Long Island. Malone notes that the award, which has been called "the Ph.D. of Boyhood," is currently earned by only 4% of young men that join Boy Scouts. (Malone has recently published a book on the subject titled Four Percent.)

Malone says that Eagle Scouts are "very different from the classic 13-year-old Boy Scout in short pants." After distinguishing themselves as youth, many go on to distinguish themselves as adults. The list of publicly known Eagle Scouts is impressive. It includes military heroes, politicians, astronauts, academicians, business leaders, journalists, athletes, entertainers, explorers, activists, judges, religious leaders, and those that have achieved well in many other walks of life. Hundreds of thousands of others have quietly served their communities and lived moral lives.

The list of Eagle Scouts also contains a few infamous characters that failed to live up to the high ideals of scouting, including several murderers. Still, Eagle Scouts tend to be much more civically involved and far less likely to commit crime than men that were Boy Scouts but did not earn the Eagle Scout rank or men that never joined scouting.

"Eagle Scouting's biggest contribution to American life" writes Malone, is "the service project, the "dissertation" of the boyhood Ph.D." Since this requirement was instituted in the mid-1960s Eagle service projects have been responsible for a "jaw-dropping total of more than 100 million hours of service" that have "touched every community in America in an important way."

I have helped with and reviewed many Eagle projects over the years. Most have been small scale projects. A few have been pretty ambitious. A common project is to collect items for non-profit organizations: books for a library at a shelter, blankets for disaster victims, school kits for kids in third world countries, etc. Work on municipal parks is another regular theme.

My three Eagle Scout sons had very diverse projects. Each project has tallied some 220 to 270 volunteer hours. One son photographed and created a database of grave markers at a local cemetery. Another built a serious official horseshoe pitching court at a church camp. Another developed a recruitment video for Bugles Across America.

While service is a key ingredient to the Eagle project, the requirement emphasizes demonstrating leadership in planning and carrying out the project. Frankly, I felt that I did poorly in that aspect of my own project. I had difficulty getting others to come and help with renovations on a city park playground (that no longer exists).

The scouting program is carried out in a distinctive way in the area where I live, where most BSA units are sponsored by the LDS Church. (See my 10/19/2007 post titled Mediocre LDS Scouting.) The Church strongly emphasizes the importance of becoming an Eagle Scout. According to this site, about 6% of LDS scouts earn the rank, a rate that is about 150% of the national average.

In my opinion the typical Eagle project carried out by an LDS scout is significantly less ambitious than the typical project completed by a scout from a unit with a different sponsor. It is not uncommon for an Eagle project in my area to provide fewer than 40 service hours. Maybe this is simply due to the fact that the typical LDS Eagle Scout earns the rank at a younger age than the national average. A 13-year-old Eagle candidate is likely to have less experience and capacity than a 17-year-old.

Some have suggested that these factors mean that an Eagle Scout rank earned by an LDS scout is of less value than one earned by a non-LDS scout. I certainly wouldn't go that far. I think that this could only be judged after a lifetime to see how well these men have lived up to their scouting pledges. From the data available, it would seem that LDS Eagle Scouts compare well on a lifetime basis.

All achievements in life include a mixture capacity, individual will, opportunity, and luck. I happened to land in a troop that had a strong scouting program and I had parents that supported and encouraged my achievement in the program. Others weren't as fortunate. I know a number of top notch adult scouting volunteers that didn't achieve the Eagle rank because they lacked some of the advantages I had.

But I also know many men that as youth had greater opportunities and talent than me, but that simply didn't do what it took to achieve the Eagle rank. Some got to the next lower rank and then stalled out. A friend says that he simply made decisions that resulted in him being a Life Scout for the rest of his life.

Malone notes that while the BSA as a whole has suffered from some negative stereotypes and controversies, "the image of Eagle Scouts has only risen over the decades in American life and culture." Still, a handful of Eagle Scouts (the BSA says fewer than 100, while Scouting for All claims about 1000) have renounced their Eagle awards in protest to the BSA's policy excluding from membership individuals who are open or avowed homosexuals.

The BSA has explained that it "believes that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the obligations in the Scout Oath and Scout Law to be morally straight and clean in thought, word, and deed." Activists and media organizations that oppose this belief are determined to punish the BSA until it adopts their philosophy on the matter.

Still, it is doubtful that changing the policy would mollify opponents, since some have made it clear that they find many other BSA policies and practices repugnant. It would also seem that backing down on what has been codified as a moral imperative would only damage the integrity of the organization.

While detractors believe that Eagle Scouts represent what is wrong with America, many young men will continue to aspire to the high ideals of the rank. A few of these will do what it takes to stand proudly as the medal representing their achievement is pinned to their chest.

I have a dream of having a photo portrait made of me and my four sons, all Eagle Scouts and all wearing scout uniforms. We're more than two years away from that point. Son #4 could achieve the Eagle rank in a year or so. But the photo session will have to wait until his two oldest brothers return from serving as missionaries for their church a couple of years from now.

Dad's Office Via Kid-Vision

When I was a kid my Dad worked as an electrical lineman. On occasion we visited his workplace for one reason or another. I was fascinated by the equipment, trucks, garage, and office. I still recall the distinctive smell of the machinery. I think I was 12 years old before I realized that Dad mostly worked on power lines, traveling to various locations on the trucks we saw at the station.

Dad later became the equivalent of an electrical engineer, although, it always chagrined him that he never achieved an official bachelor degree. Never mind the fact that he regularly trained and worked with PhD level electrical engineers. Dad was one smart guy.

My own career has evolved along a path that I could never have imagined at the time I graduated high school. I initially majored in accounting and had a career in finance and accounting. Eventually I began automating accounting processes and somehow ended up working as a computer programmer. I went back to school to get a bachelor and then a master degree in computers. I now wear many hats including software developer, database administrator, business analyst, and system administrator.

My son has been working on the Computers merit badge for a few weeks. One of the requirements is to visit a business or industrial plant that uses computers to learn about and discuss how computers are used by the business. So the other day I brought him to my workplace. My daughter came along. As I observed my children's eagerness to see where I worked, I thought about how much I enjoyed visiting my Dad's workplace back in the day.

As we walked into my office, both my son and my daughter asked why the sign on the wall read, "IT DEPARTMENT." My daughter queried, "What is it?" I laughed and explained that I.T. is a common acronym for Information Technology.

I have worked in a variety of offices throughout my I.T. career. While I've never had my own office with a real door, I've had a few nice cubicles. One of the nicer cubicles I had was in a building that was partially surrounded by lovely forested landscaping. The building also had large highly reflective windows. One day we watched a man clamber down from the busy street into the 'forest' just outside of our window. He took a quick look around and then proceeded to unzip his pants and urinate right there. I guess that the building's public restrooms weren't good enough for him. He apparently couldn't see that we were only three feet away from him on the other side of the window.

I've also worked in some less nice conditions. To be frank, my current office would be fit within this classification. We are on the second floor of what formerly was a private indoor sports court that had a ceiling so high that they managed to create two levels when it was converted to office space. It has been years since the building had a serious cleaning. The floor boards and chair rails sport a thick coat of dust and grime. The walls sport a number of ¼" holes where wall hangings were once attached. I have no cubicle, but maybe that's not so important in a small department like mine.

Despite my current office being somewhat inferior to many in which I have worked, my children were tremendously impressed. From their reactions, you'd think they found it on par with a secret lair from a spy movie. After all, we have our own water fountain, small fridge, and microwave. And, yeah, I have three wide screen monitors on my desk. My daughter was particularly piqued by the collage of family photos I have on my desk. My children were less impressed by the adjacent large manufacturing facility where the products are built that produce the revenue from which my paycheck is drawn.

It was interesting to see my workplace through my children's eyes. It brought back memories where every visit to my Dad's station was an adventure for me, grime and all.

When Kids Ask About Sex

I chuckled as I read The Weed's post about his six-year-old daughter posing a question in her Primary class about sexual relations. I can identify, since my children have posed uncomfortable questions on this topic from time to time.

Over the years I have had "The Talk" with each of our four sons at what we figured were appropriate times. I asked my wife to take charge of this duty for our daughter. This initial foray has been followed up with multiple impromptu discussions, almost always precipitated by the children.

I am grateful that my children have felt somewhat comfortable discussing sex and other delicate subjects with me. From the beginning I have tried to handle these queries in a sensitive yet matter-of-fact and age appropriate manner. I have wanted each child to understand that the topic is not taboo; delicate, perhaps, but not untouchable.

One child that has been particularly inquisitive about sex has tested the limits of my candor by occasionally asking very personal questions. It's one thing to discuss the topic academically with some detachment and quite another to reveal details about my own intimate activities.

Despite my attempts at openness, I have noted that the boys have naturally turned somewhat reticent (even to the point of squeamishness) to discuss sex openly with me as they have advanced into their mid teen years and have lost some of their childhood innocence.

One time as I drove along with three of the boys in the car, the youngest of the trio (the aforementioned inquisitor) asked some rather specific questions about sex. His older brothers, who were mortified beyond description, bluntly told him to be quiet. They were even more horrified when I insisted on straightforwardly engaging the topic on the younger boy's level with no hint that it was improper. I was, however, grateful that the boys' little sister wasn't present, as this would have required reducing the vocabulary to her level, risking the loss of important understanding.

Our youngest child was born before the medical establishment's legal arm put a stop to capturing births on video. Thus, we have video of each of our five children's births. I shot the video from the head of the bed, so these home movies are fairly modest. Our daughter has watched all five of these episodes over and over.

One day my daughter confided in me that she was somewhat worried about giving birth. "It looks like it hurts," she said. Fortunately my wife was present to provide her view on the matter. My daughter seemed somewhat relieved. But later she asked me how the babies got inside of her Mom in the first place. That led to another chat.

Sex is a natural part of life. It can and should be a wonderful part of life. But due to its physical, psychological, and cultural implications, sex is also very complex. It can lead to great joy, sorrow, confusion, or some combination of these. I want my children to develop healthy attitudes and practices when it comes to sex. For that reason I try to be open and thoughtful in discussing this topic with them.

I believe that it's important for parents to be prepared to answer their children's questions about sex. After all, the kids will inevitably ask. But they will stop asking and could develop unhealthy ideas if the parent shuts them down or treats them like they've done something wrong.

Some innocently asked questions will make the parent uncomfortable. But that's part of life. It's not a reason to freak out. If handled appropriately these episodes will engender trust and stronger relationships. Good luck.

What a Week at Boy Scout Camp Does

It's been decades since I first attended Boy Scout camp at age 12. We had a large troop. Not being among the popular boys in the troop, I was relegated to the tent of misfits. We brought all of our own food and prepared meals over a campfire.

There were all kinds of activities. We swam in the lake, canoed, rowed, played with frogs and tadpoles, participated in campfire programs, bought stuff at the trading post, played games with each other and with other troops, attended flag ceremonies, went on hikes, tied knots, went to church in an outdoor chapel, carved wood, and did a host of other things.

Last week at that same Boy Scout camp, the program director stood before the boys and told them that their mothers had shed a tear upon their departure because they knew they were saying goodbye forever to their little boys. They knew that when their sons returned they would be changed forever and would be well on their way to manhood.

It's odd what a week at Scout camp can do for a young boy. Most never forget it. Not all of the memories are fond. Camp can be fun, but it is also filled with challenges. Boys expand their personalities as they grapple with these challenges with varying degrees of success. For the umpteenth time I watched this transformation take place in the lives of a number of youth last week.

We started out with rain. Actually, the rain started just as we were finishing tent setup. Then it turned into a real gully washer. We donned rain gear and realized that we were better off than the troops that weren't yet setup or that had yet to arrive. We grappled with wet and mud for the first couple of days, but the boys seemed to take it all in stride. Besides, the rain seemed to break for program events as if it were on a schedule.

During a break in the rain we went to waterfront to do the swim check in the chilling waters of the lake. Most  of the boys passed. One that is a good swimmer climbed out early, although, he has passed the test in the same lake previously. Another boy that is a poor swimmer quit early too. But later in the week he returned and completed the test for the first time in his life while two of his friends swam alongside.

I watched boys fetch water, cook, clean dishes, and clean the kitchen area over and over again throughout the week. Some became quite proficient at these tasks. Some did them willingly and energetically. Others, not so much. Almost all of the boys became good at taking precautions against bears. The boys consistently received high marks on morning inspections.

Some boys were self starters, making sure that they got to their merit badge classes and passed off all requirements. Others needed constant supervision and seemed rather oblivious to many badge requirements. Most of the boys were somewhere in between. But by the end of the week, most of the boys felt pretty good about their achievements.

When the troop went on an eight-mile hike, we put the two slowest boys at the head of the column along with a staff member. The adults brought up the rear. We had a great hike. The two 'slow' boys stayed up front and wouldn't let others pass them. It was quite remarkable to watch.

I saw two boys get into a real knock-down fight over the rightful temporary possession of a piece of troop equipment. I watched a patient scoutmaster take each boy aside for a personal chat. Although they were still angry with each other, both were genuinely contrite about their bad behavior. A couple of days later I saw them sharing candy with each other.

Occasionally I had a few moments to sit peacefully in camp. During these brief respites I could always hear the joyful sounds of a couple hundred scouts scattered over half a square mile having a great time. Sometimes it was pretty loud. I also occasionally awoke in the middle of the night to dead silence—much deeper and more profound than ever occurs even in the suburbs where I live. Then there were the times staring up through 70-foot high spruce trees at more stars than most of the boys had ever seen.

I watched a stepfather sleep on the ground and gingerly hike trails nursing a foot injury to share an experience with his stepson. His gentle ways were a good example for me, and I'm sure, for the other boys.

The boys looked up to the two camp staffers and the commissioner assigned to our troop. These high school aged young men tirelessly served our troop and provided great role models for the boys.

Our troop did a service project paving a chronically wet section of trail with paving stones that another troop had hauled in from a nearby Forest Service quarry. One eager young man broke a water line on the third swing of his mattock. This created a lot of mud and got a number of people wet until some of our adults succeeded in patching the line. We were muddy, but we finished the project.

I saw 14 boys sit around a campfire near the close of the week telling each other what the experience had meant to them. Many were quite emotional and felt comfortable shedding a few tears in front of their companions. I watched grown men and young boys choke up as a tattered American flag was lovingly committed to the flames of a campfire as the haunting melody of Taps floated out across the glassy lake after sunset.

When we awakened the boys on the last morning in camp, they eagerly broke down the gear and hauled it the long distance to the parking lot, making many trips carrying heavy loads. In almost precisely two hours the campsite was emptied out and we were on the road home.

A boy probably doesn't realize what a week at Boy Scout camp does to him. The fruits of that week bubble up for many years afterward in myriad ways. But it's certain that every boy that spends a week at Scout camp comes away changed—hopefully for the better.

Why Do People Go Camping?

My earliest memory of camping was when my family stayed in a borrowed canvas tent in a campground in Yellowstone. I had difficulty getting to sleep in the strange surroundings. Two of my brothers and I shared two sleeping bags that had been zipped together into a single large bag. In the morning I watched a bear wander through the camping area. It stopped to garner goodies from a nearby trash can before a camper chased it off by beating a cast iron frying pan with a metal cooking implement.

Since that time I have camped out hundreds of times in all kinds of weather conditions. Over the past decade I have slept on the ground well over 100 nights. I had a cot years ago, but I didn't replace it when it broke. I'd rather sleep on a cheap foam pad on the ground.

As I prepare to head off into the wilderness for yet another week of Boy Scout camping, I have begun to wonder exactly why it is that people go camping. For me it comes down to supporting scout, church, school, or family events. Despite my camping expertise, I'm not too sure that I would go camping just for my personal enjoyment.

I'm told that one reason for camping is to "get away from it all." I have noticed throughout my life that campers have increasingly tended to bring "it all" with them. Indeed, many campers go to great expense and effort to do so. A coworker of mine recently watched two people paddling a canoe on a back country waterway while media content streamed from their devices through their ear buds to cancel out any audio input nature might provide. And don't even get me started on the camping palaces people haul to campgrounds. It would be cheaper to spend nights in five-star hotels.

Some people say they go camping to get in touch with nature. That may be true for a small minority of campers. By reading the previous paragraph you can tell that I think this isn't so true for most campers. Unless you call screaming around dirt roads on super charged off-road vehicles a good conduit for communing with nature. To be frank, many campers seem bent on destroying the 'nature' they claim to love.

Camping takes a lot of work. From the moment I start preparing for a camping trip to the moment the cleanup is finished, it's work, work, work, work. The packing, unpacking, hauling, setting up, cooking, cleaning, tearing down, gear maintenance, and related activities never seem to stop.

So why do we go to all that expense and work? For the sake of recreation? Sure. Because nothing says 'enjoyment and recreation' like getting your privates chewed on by mosquitoes and horse flies while squatting over a pit toilet, right? Well, except perhaps for climbing out of a snow shelter to relieve yourself while hoping that your warm flesh won't freeze to the latrine ring.

Comedian Jim Gaffigan gives his take on camping in this video clip:

I visited this About.com site for some insights as to why others go camping. The author says that when we go camping we can be rejuvenated by "escaping the routines of ordinary life." I can go along with that. But camping is clearly not the only way to do this.

RONEILL says, "Camping teaches resilience. It builds courage. It teaches us about our strengths and weaknesses, and in so doing, it makes us productive people." This comports with my personal experience. But again, why camping over some other activity that could offer similar benefits?

At the end of next week I will come home with a number of bug bites, probably some sunburn, a few scrapes and bruises, sore muscles and feet, dirt in a few places I'd rather not be dirty, some gear in need of repair, and hopefully a son that has a few more merit badges and is a little more mature.

And maybe, just maybe, after canoeing on the lake, watching the sun rise over the mountain, listening to the birds, watching the chipmunks, hiking the trails, and staring up through 70-foot tall spruce trees at countless stars, I will come home with a better understanding of why I go camping.

Annual Lagoon Pilgrimage

Our family (part of us anyway) made our annual trip to Lagoon amusement park yesterday. Our two oldest are long done going to Lagoon with the family. Also, we didn't go to the park last year, so it has been a couple of years since we last visited. We may not have gone this summer either, except that the two youngest begged us to go and my employer offered a special deal that made it affordable.

To be quite honest, it's pretty expensive to go to Lagoon without some kind of discount or else a season pass. More on my opinion of season passes later. Heck, it's even expensive to go to Lagoon with a discount.

The weather yesterday was grand, except that it started out rather humid from the previous day's rain. It was clear and warm without being scorching hot.

We tried to dress family members in clothing that could dry quickly, knowing that we'd end up participating in some activities designed to get us wet. It can be fun to get wet, but sloshing around in wet shoes and walking around with wet underwear chafing against the skin for hours really isn't much fun.

I was pleasantly surprised that the ride lines weren't that bad. The longest line we waited in was for the Wicked ride. Even then we spent only 15 minutes from the time we arrived at the line to the time we walked away from the ride. Trust me, that's pretty quick.

We rode the recent ride additions, Air Race and Bombora with minimal waiting. These are among some of the lately added "family ride" genre that aim to appeal to a broad age range. Air Race spins riders upside down, but it's nowhere near as harrowing as the Samurai. The Bombora ride lasts just over a minute. It banks and turns, but it's not a terribly fast roller coaster. It is certainly more tame than Colossus, Jet Star 2, or even the White Roller Coaster.

As far as wet rides go, Cliffhanger was closed due to a mechanical issue. But my family loves to ride Hydro Luge, the Log Flume, and Rattlesnake Rapids. The first two have pretty low hourly throughput, meaning that even relatively short lines can make for a long wait. We have learned to hit these rides early after entering the park because lines get longer as the day progresses. Also, the tunnels in the Hydro Luge get hot and stifling later on, especially on sunny days. (Several other rides, such as the Flying Aces and the Rocket also have low hourly throughput.)

All of the damp rides mentioned above, as well as the interactive fountain can get you very, very wet. I have walked away from each of these rides with little moistness, but I have also come away as drenched as if I had jumped fully clothed into a swimming pool. (That was the case yesterday with Rattlesnake Rapids.) It's best to be prepared. I stow my wallet, my electronic key fob, and cell phone in my pockets in zip tight plastic food bags.

Anytime you go to an amusement park you can be certain that the food and drinks are going to be expensive. Luckily for us, the deal offered by my employer included one junk food meal for each of us. We still spent plenty of money on other treats. Unlike some amusement parks, Lagoon allows patrons to bring their own food. That can help save a lot of money.

Yesterday's crowd seemed somewhat different than those I have often encountered at Lagoon. There were quite a few families. Some of them were extended families. Many parents were obviously trying to be good parents for their kids.

Of course, it is impossible to go to Lagoon without also seeing a fair number of people that would have qualified to be performers in carnival freak shows a couple of generations ago. Bizarre tattoos, piercings, and gauges are ubiquitous. Some folks clothe and groom in a manner that may not break any legal statutes, but that certainly violates the laws of good taste.

Then there are the ever present young teens and tweens that roam the park unsupervised. Many of these are season pass holders. It is jarring to watch these little boys and girls engaging in the rituals of a hyper sexualized sub-culture of irresponsibility. I personally couldn't imagine thinking that it would be a good idea to get my kids season passes to Lagoon and then to dump them off there on their own on a regular basis. It reminds me of watching parents drop their scantily clad youngsters off at a rave party last winter. What are these people thinking?

All in all, we had a great day at Lagoon. Our daughter looked nostalgically at the kiddie rides, many of which she is now too tall to ride. But having no younger children actually made our trip to Lagoon much easier than in past years. We still dress everyone in bright clothes and make sure that we know what each family member is wearing so that each can more easily be spotted among the throngs of people.

I no longer ride any of the rides for my own benefit. I will ride a ride for the benefit of a child or for the benefit of the family. But I could live and be happy without ever riding another amusement park ride. Actually, I think I could live and be happy without ever visiting an amusement park again. But I will continue to go as long as is necessary for the kids.

Perhaps someday I will, as my father happily once told me years ago, reach a stage in life where I will never have to visit an amusement park again. Then again, I did see extended families with grandparents at Lagoon yesterday....

July 2: the Day of Deliverance

On this day 236 years ago the representatives of the various American colonies in Congress voted to declare independence from Great Britain. It was an act that many were loath to take, but events had reached the point that most felt that independence could no longer be avoided. Members of Congress knew that they would personally be considered traitors and would be treated as the vilest of criminals if captured. Yet most saw no other way forward.

The following day, July 3, 1776 John Adams who was then serving as a Massachusetts delegate to Congress wrote one of his many letters to his wife Abigail. Adams' impatience shines through, as he wishes that independence had been declared some seven months earlier; although, he admits that the intervening period had brought many that were previously ambivalent to support independence. The final sentences of Adams' July 3, 1776 letter have proven to be somewhat prophetic with respect to the founding of the United States of America.

"The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more. 

"You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. -- I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. -- Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not."

Adams was off by two days. The final draft of the Declaration of Independence was approved by Congress on July 4. Thus, we celebrate Independence Day each year on July 4. But Adams' other foresights  have proven remarkably accurate. The battle for independence cost a great deal of toil, blood, and treasure. Yet most Americans since that time have thought it well worth the price. And we still celebrate Independence Day with the kinds of activities Adams envisioned.

The U.S. was not the first nation in history to declare its independence from another nation. Nor was the American Revolution the first war fought over an idea, such as liberty. After all, as one historian notes, wars had been fought over religious concepts for millennia.

The American Revolution is unique among wars because it was the first that successfully battled the prevailing accepted social caste structure. It is true that few of the signers of the declaration thought that Thomas Jefferson's stirring assertion "that all men are created equal" meant that this included non-males and people didn't descent from northern Europeans. But it set the stage for equal respect of all people and established a goal to which our nation yet aspires, however clumsy its actions.

In an age when most of the people with whom Americans interacted accepted the idea that some people were naturally better than others and deserved to be treated better than others, the declaration introduced a new thought—that people were not naturally beholden to the aristocracy and that people could govern themselves.

The success of the American Revolution was evident in that within half a century after its conclusion the concept of aristocracy as a valid form of government was largely dead throughout most of the world. It was evident that free people could govern themselves at least as well as any aristocratic system.

The American form of governance is not a perfect system. It is fraught with innumerable problems and deficiencies. Yet it beats pretty much every other system actually used on a large basis anywhere in the world.

So as I celebrate Independence Day this year I will be grateful for those that courageously embarked on the path of liberty, for those that waged the long slog to actual independence, and for all that have contributed to the cause of liberty since that time. I am a beneficiary of their sacrifices. I suppose that the best way to show gratitude is to pass it on by helping further the cause of liberty for future generations.

The Real Reason for the Degeneration of Marriage

The institution of marriage is in a strange state. Traditionalists are fighting against strong odds to preserve its classical formulation while progressives actively work to redefine what they consider to be an outdated definition. No matter where you look it's hard to find anyone that is happy with the establishment marriage as it now stands.

Over the space of three generations marriage has gone from a broadly accepted well-defined establishment—indeed, the only socially legitimate way to organize a family—to an optional arrangement that can easily be dissolved and that many now accept as being open to just about any two consenting adults regardless of gender. While most adults still think that it's unacceptable for first cousins or siblings to marry, many other marital taboos are evaporating.

How did this transition occur? Divorce was once rare. People shunned its possibility even when marital relationships were rocky. Now people dump their spouses with nary a thought. Out of wedlock births that were once minimized due to social stigma are now more common than in-marriage births. The idea that two people of the same sex could marry each other seemed ludicrous at the beginning of this century. Now it is broadly accepted among the younger generation. It is quite possible that opposition to this altered definition of marriage will literally die out over time.

Is there a way to re-enthrone traditional marriage in broader society? Wall Street Journal Editor James Taranto doesn't think so. But any road to that destination, he says in this article, requires challenging the main cause of the decline of traditional marriage. What is that main cause? Taranto answers with profound political incorrectness that "The institution of marriage has been a casualty of contemporary feminism--specifically of the idea of sexual equality."

It used to be that "a husband and a wife" writes Taranto, "each brought something distinctive to the marriage." The long-term push to raise the status of "women relative to men has blurred these sex roles." The redefinition of marriage is a natural result of the redefinition of sex roles.

Taranto explains, "If men and women are at the deepest level interchangeable, then there's nothing to distinguish a "husband" from a "wife" and no reason that a "marriage" has to consist of one of each rather than two of one or the other." It becomes simply a matter of preference. Thus, the feminist goal of redefining sex roles naturally reduces the need for marriage to exist only as the union of a man and a woman.

The problem for traditionalists, writes Taranto, is that "the fundamental assumptions of contemporary feminism ... are very deeply ingrained in both elite and popular culture." Feminism has been tremendously successful in broadly instilling the concept of sexual equality in society—so successful, in fact, that many have difficulty drawing any distinct line delimiting the interchangeability of the sexes. Those that insist on clear boundaries are regarded as retrograde bigots.

Is Taranto wrong about this? Think of your own perceptions, how they have evolved, and about what you are willing to say on the matter in the company of those that don't share your views. Taranto can't see how we're ever going to get the traditional marriage genie back in the bottle.

Taranto believes that gays are mainly interested in same-sex marriage as a tool for achieving moral and social equivalence with heterosexuals. A great deal of research backs him up on this. He also seems to believe that this goal will ultimately be achieved.

Unlike Taranto, I believe that polygamy could become legal not long after same-sex marriage becomes widely legal. It is true that gays currently show little interest in polygamy and that polling shows strong opposition to polygamy among the general population. But gays are not the only party interested in redefining marriage.

Once marriage is no longer bound by a pattern of biological reproductivity, arguments against alternative marital arrangements will quickly melt away. On what logical basis could multi-partner unions be opposed? Nor does the current general animosity toward polygamy present any long-term bulwark against its future acceptance. Note how rapidly attitudes regarding same-sex marriage have changed.

Some argue that allowing same-sex marriage and even polygamous marriage will strengthen the faltering institution of marriage, not further weaken it. Evidence is contrary on this. Gay unions tend to be far less monogamous than heterosexual unions. Where same-sex marriage is legal gays divorce at substantially higher rates than heterosexuals.

Marriage rates have dropped precipitously in countries that permit various marital arrangements. Marriage is now widely considered by those populations to be separated from childbearing. Thus, the traditional primary purpose of marriage—to provide stable family environments likely to enable children to become productive members of society—has been replaced with an organization focused mainly on adult fulfillment. Evidence shows that this shift has ill served children and has created a greater drain on public resources.

There are some bright spots. Marriage is still quite strong among the more educated and higher earning segments of the U.S. population. And even while cohabitation and divorce rates have skyrocketed among the less educated and lower earning segments, most still view a good marriage as the ideal and a goal that they want to achieve. More than 95% of American adults marry at some point during their lifetimes. But there's no telling how long these patterns will hold.

Traditionalists see the decline of traditional marriage leading to broader social decay, which in turn will lead to greater economic dysfunction and cause a host of serious national problems. They know that their children and grandchildren are likely to follow national trends and to end up in relationships that research convincingly shows are less fulfilling and less healthy than traditional marriage.

What are traditionalists to do about the decay of traditional marriage? Are they fighting a losing battle? If so, is it a battle worth fighting anyway? If the battle can be won, how is it to be done?

Can Students be Forced to Learn?

I tolerated school as a child. It was filled with drudgery, stupidity, social awkwardness, enemies, a few friends, and occasional moments of enlightenment. Being lousy at both sports and academics, I rarely distinguished myself in any way. I was neither at the top nor the bottom of the heap. I was among the faceless hoard that made up much of the student body. School wasn't evil; it was just something to be endured.

As a parent I have viewed school from a contrasting perspective. Each of my children has fit into the system differently. One has excelled. The other four have all grappled with various challenges. Like their father, each child has struggled more or less with math. Like most Americans, I hated math. It seemed so inane. I always seemed to be missing critical bits of basic understanding required to comprehend concepts.

In school I usually tried to slide by with as little effort as possible in pretty much every subject, except for the rare situations where something captured my imagination. I lacked perspective to sense much payoff from serious educational engagement and effort. I see this to some degree in each of my children.

Tests have always been ubiquitous in the school system. But during my children's lifetimes standardized testing has become all the rage. The current Common Core push aims to increase standardized testing quality and rigidity. The CC website says that this will "provide a consistent, clear understanding of what students are expected to learn, so teachers and parents know what they need to do to help them."

That sounds reasonable on the surface. But Common Core has been strongly criticized by both educators and conservative groups as further usurping parents and educators (see 5/8/2012 WSJ article). Conservatives assert that it is simply part of a larger social agenda with which they do not agree. Educators argue that CC prevents teachers from actually educating students.

Retired educator and author of Educating for Human Greatness Lynn Stoddard dresses down CC in this Standard Examiner op-ed. Stoddard says that CC "curriculum standardizes students — it tries to make them all alike in predetermined knowledge and skills at grade-level check points — and tests to make sure it is happening." (The phrase "check points" can bring to mind images of Nazis or TSA agents.)

In Stoddard's view, CC destroys individuality. It aims to create an army of automatons that can successfully regurgitate the facts that some shadowy group of bureaucrats deems to be essential. This flies in the face of human experience. Stoddard notes that "imposed learning is shallow and temporary compared to self-chosen learning that is deep and enduring." He writes:

"Human development is individual development. Students cannot be mass-produced like products on an assembly line. Students will learn basic skills when the time is right for each one, not according to an artificial schedule."

Coupling Stoddard's article with his previous (3/13/2012) op-ed, we get an idea of what Stoddard suggests instead of our current public education methodology. Educating for human greatness includes focusing on identity, inquiry, interaction, initiative, imagination, intuition, and integrity.

Stoddard explains what this system would look like. Frankly the list reads like a fantasy novel. Each child will have an individualized study system that draws on an "unlimited set of subjects." Compulsory attendance will be eliminated, so no one will be present that doesn't want to learn. Graduation will be determined by "a student showing the ways in which s/he is ready to be a valuable contributor to society" instead of by getting grades in narrowly defined courses.

There are a few problems with Stoddard's vision. There is no way it could be successfully implemented within the scope of public education. All large government systems only function on the basis of coercion and standardization. For Stoddard's system to work at all, education would have to be removed from the purview of government. That includes funding.

Many people are already doing this. It's called home schooling. For the rest of the students, as long as funding—and therefore direction—continues to come through government we can expect more of the "We have ways to make you get good math scores" methodology. 'Nonstandard' students (along with their parents and teachers) will be punished.

It would also be interesting to discover what Stoddard plans for those students that take full advantage of the lack of a compulsory attendance requirement. Some of the not insignificant purposes of public schools (whether we agree or not) are to provide child care services and to minimize idle time when kids would be more likely to cause trouble, until most of them are old enough to learn the value of staying out of trouble.

Compulsory education is not without merit. Many students have discovered enduring interests only after being exposed to them as part of an imposed curriculum. Students have to know that something exists before they can choose to study it. But compulsory education can also obviously have detrimental effects.

Some might argue that Stoddard's model would necessarily require far more teachers than we have today so that it would be horrendously expensive. Maybe. Others might point out that such a system could be effectively administered with far fewer members of the education administratosphere than we have at present. It might actually cost less than our current bloated system.

The whole purpose of standardized testing was supposedly to improve educational outcomes. We've been doing this for some years now, yet any improvement due to standardized testing, if it exists at all, could only be seen under a microscope. So color me skeptical that even more inflexible standardized testing will improve educational outcomes.

The underlying problems in our education system are structural and cultural. We have made minor efforts to reform structure while undertaking major efforts to reform methods. We have focused intently on the 10% while giving far less attention to the 90%. And yet we wonder why we continue to get unacceptable results. Maybe that's because those we trust to make the decisions tend to be products of public education themselves.